So I watched Twilight tonight at my parents house. And I must say that I'm absolutely amazed that I'm still alive. Or, at least, still competent enough to make coherent thoughts. As the movie slowly progressed I could feel my mind going "Nicole, what are you doing?! Quick! Turn away before its too late!". I could feel myself fighting to not start drooling like a brain dead chimp by the half way point of this movie. I've also just realized that I will not get those 2 hours back, no matter what I do.

There were so many things wrong with the vampire lore in the movie. My dad and I have a love for vampires and their history, we enjoy classic vampire movies like Nosferatu, and Bram Stoker's Dracula, and we'll give most any vampire movie a chance. I think my dad tore this movie apart more than I did. By the way, did I forget to mention that VAMPIRES DO NOT SPARKLE! According to some history and lore they can go out in the sun, but it diminishes their powers, it does not make them a sparkly glitter fag. Also, I did not see fangs once. What blasted vampire doesn't have fangs? And it doesn't make you a "vegetarian vampire" if you don't touch humans, it just means you're a sissy vampire. And, the boat scene where they attacked the old man and killed him couldn't of happened as vampires cant cross still water, they can only cross water that is going in or out with the tide, or moving. The water under that boat was still before they landed on it. And I would think that, as multi-hundred year old vampires they would be wise enough to know what stops a vampire. If you're going to protect a human, teach her what humans can do to protect themselves. Yeah, you cant do it for her, but tell her to toss a cross around her neck, carry holy water, or use my dads idea and rather than pepper spray get some of that Garlic flavored PAM spray and get the bastard in the eyes with it! And speaking of eyes, You cant see a vampire in a mirror, and they definitely cant get their prom picture taken. And the glass house was just stupid as hell. Vampires DO need rest, and they rest all day long. Vampires also NEED grave soil, the coffins don't really matter, but they need an area to rest all day long.

So I say to Stephanie Meyer- You're a fucking retard. Who actually decided that this story was any good? You obviously have no damned idea what you're writing about and I cant believe people liked that pile of garbage...


TL;DR-- Twilight killed a chunk of my sanity, and google chrome says that "sparkly" isn't a real word